like sheet music

This morning, I stopped by church on my way home from a particularly upsetting meeting. Introvert that I am, I hoped I could sneak into the sanctuary unseen. I had a strange urge to play the piano. Strange because I don’t play the piano. Not really. I haven’t played the piano in fifteen years. But …

gratitude and lots of bad language

“You’re such a fucking piece of shit.” Lovely, I know. A very mature and careful choice of words. Unfortunately, this was my prayer this morning. Over and over again. I cried and pleaded and cursed. (This is probably my most common state though, so don’t be so shocked.) I am human, and imperfect, and right …

why i am joining a church

My departure from the church was neither happenstance nor haphazard. I made the decision to leave an organization I felt had betrayed me, an institution that condemned me. I grew up in churches of all kinds, and what I discovered is that they were all the same. They all believed they were right, others were …

free

About six months ago, I ordered every Mark Scandrette book I could get my hands on. His vision is severe, unnerving and yet somehow so attractive to me. He believes in living as close as possible to the way Jesus lived, defying modern social norms with every word and every page. According to Scandrette, “The …

on doing

I am admittedly a little surprised that my end-of-the-year token of wisdom comes from none other than Amy Poehler and her memoir, “Yes, Please.” Still, a recurring message in her book is one that the Universe has brought to me on many occasions over the past year or so. I am only now taking notice. …

the parable of the talents

A few weeks ago, I stopped going to church. The last time I was there, I sat in my small group as we discussed prayer. The things that made us uncomfortable with prayer. The reasons we needed prayer. And the more the members of my small group spoke, the more isolated I began to feel. …

another one on forgiveness

October. It is October. That means that one year ago is when I began a rapid descent toward rock bottom. One year ago, my grandmother died. One year ago, I discovered that she had spent days alone in her condo dying, refusing to reach out. One year ago, I lost one of my few lifelines. …

fine

You know what you don’t hear often enough? That you are doing fine. Everything is so big, so scary, so much. Really you are doing fine. Your perceived inadequacies: insurmountable. But you are doing fine. The world is falling apart. Your world is falling apart. You are doing fine. I am falling apart. Close your …

create beauty

A friend of mine, a kindred spirit sent me this quote yesterday: “I’m going to make everything around me beautiful–that will be my life.” Elsie de Wolfe. Her question, “What is your take on a life goal not grounded in a traditional job/’step ladder to success’ path but in the singular desire to create beauty …

that which is

Growing up, there were things I was taught about God that were simply untrue. Some were taught explicitly, some were implied and I believe others were merely the result of a child’s naive interpretation of what was happening around her. The truth is that I was terrified of the God I had been told to …